If not for grace… I wouldn't get up most mornings of the week. In all honesty, I do not feel well on most mornings. If you've read my previous offering, “ What Lies Beneath ,” I disclosed my battle with Arnold Chiari Malformation. Some days it is relentless and mornings seem to be the tipping point. A natural reaction to pain is to try to shield yourself from it. It is psychologically difficult for one to stab themselves; your brain would force a restraint in strength to shield yourself from the pain. Willing myself out of bed, putting my best foot forward for my family and honoring my body by working out daily is a manifestation of grace.
If not for grace… This week would have taken me under. We woke up to more terror in our backyard. Another day, another mass shooting. The tragedy of Texas sits atop a totem pole of tears that has been building for some time. A number of losses have befallen friends and associates as of late. A mother burying her toddler after an unthinkable act. An adult child losing her mother suddenly and with no warning. A wife making funeral arrangements after her husband was inexplicably murdered. Grace has allowed me to witness a rise in martyrs of strength and resilience. As I’ve set in my corner, attempting to fathom how I would even begin to face these challenges, these woman have served as bastions of fortitude in spaces of unthinkable trauma. Those examples are not without grace.
If not for grace…
The news of a dear friend losing her battle with cancer threatened to lay me flat. As a young ballerina, a raven haired spirit would cross my path. She is a fearless and sparkling personality. One of the brightest lights to ever shine upon me. Her technique was flawless, wild and strong. Daring and dramatic, she took complete control of the stage. A joy to watch and a blessing to know, I was devastated to hear the news that she was receiving end of life care and has limited time left. As with the stage, she has taken control of my wandering thoughts. Yet grace has allowed me to see her transitioning in the best of spirits. As her days wither away, she is shining and smiling as I will always remember. Her online tributes validate my heart’s song for her. She is so loved and cherished, with many calling on God to spare one of his most gracious angels.
If not for grace, perhaps I’d be wallowing in sadness, self medicating, and not good to or for anyone. But for grace, I am able to see light in the midst of darkness. I am stronger than what ails me and am able to push through valiantly. I am grateful, mindful and aware of all that is pure and good that touches my life, in spite of the fragilities of mortality.
Dear ones, the great news about grace that it is available in abundance. As the world shifts and outside sources threaten our health, loved ones and livelihoods, I’d like to encourage us all to walk in that grace. I began this piece at the beginning of this week. In the valleys of my sadness I was able to catch this view. It served as a gentle reminder that grace has wings, is more vast than any obstacle and always sufficient.