It’s happening. Right now, in real time, it’s happening. My daughter, the Bug, is changing. For the purposes of this writing, I am not speaking biologically (though that may be in play). I’m talking emotionally. Physically, she is growing. She is on the cusp of our gazes being at level. She is resembling more of a teenager than the tween of yesterday. But it’s happening, right now, and showing no signs of slowing.
Kingsley was a surprise to us. Joshua was a sparkling eight month old when we confirm she was to be. She came into our lives like air; free flowing and much needed. A particularly calm baby, she was not quick to cry, rather offering a cartoonish frown that would instead make you tear up, and struggle to find a way to secure the dam of tears threatening to break. Her growth has been slow and steady, with nothing new appearing overnight. She takes her time, as if our Creator has her on the most perfect time release of freshness. Always spirited, she is strong in her personality, yet reserved in public spaces. She walks a fine balance of determination and grit with bullheadedness and persistence. In many ways she is my mirror. In other ways she is not.
Very early on Kingsley laid claim on her individuality. The comparisons between us were often unwelcomed and a catalyst for her to change course. I’ve always respected this attribute because after all, as her mother my biggest dream is for her to be the best version of herself; not me. But as of late there has been a divide. A crescendo of energy that has been at times explosive and off putting. Many of you have warned of it. Many of you have shared your own stories in great detail. l listened intently. l believed l absorbed the intended message. But the weight of the cloak is much heavier on your shoulder than on a hanger. We get shining glimpses of our girl, only to be overshadowed with ill tempered cloud cover. Being of the full understanding that this phase is essential in her development has a stabilizing effect. Yet, l worry. She is growing and driving the stake of her independence further into the soil; and with that comes strife.
When you bring a new puppy through obedience training, the big surprise is that the training fails on you. Admittedly, l don’t know how to be in this season. With my own shortcomings bubbling at the surface upon any and all discord, l’m struggling to adopt coping mechanisms to deal with it all, while maintaining a standard of civility within our home. We are on the precipice of great change. It will be messy, uncomfortable and necessary. Yet l am determined to come out on the other end with our committed bond intact. The bug is forming her chrysalis. My plan is to give her the space to grow her wings; emerging as the most dazzling butterfly that l ever did see. l am proud of my daughter. And despite the sticky middle, l cannot wait to see who she is to be.
