“Mom, what is an orgasm?” Those words came out and enveloped me like molten lava. I was driving and it came from the back seat as clear as day. My body froze with paralyzed vocal cords, my mind attempted to steady itself and form a coherent response. After successfully tempering my inherent physical reaction, my words flowed like the most proficient biology textbook ever written. In the heat of that moment, I realized it was happening. The talk was happening and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Showtime.... I’d thought about this moment diligently for years. In my head, the setting would be around a table and I’d have my husband there to co-facilitate the discussion. We’d have talking points and tag team concise messages to drive points home. I admittedly did not have a vantage point. I’d never had the talk given to me. My mother is of a certain generation that didn’t speak of such things. She proudly proclaimed that maxi pads were “put in shoes for comfort,” upon my discovery of them. As far as it's concerned, my children got here through Immaculate Conception. To this day I’d rather pluck off my toenails than tell her about my gynecologist visit. This moment, unfamiliar and unplanned, felt daunting to me. I was alone, no talking points at hand and seemingly out of my depth. In the flash of a minute I’d have to pull myself together and give my son one of the greatest gifts he’d get from me. It unfolded calmly. There was an exchange of information and a fielding of questions. There was an ease to the delivery. There was an eager acceptance of the ideas and facts presented. It felt nicer than I could’ve ever imagined. Here are some of the major points I covered.

Knowing Your Body We covered his anatomy and their correct given names. Armed with a general understanding of how those things worked, we delved deeper into self care and hygiene. I explained the changes that puberty would usher in both physically and emotionally. We also spoke of a woman’s anatomy. I am of the firm belief that respect is born out of knowledge. If I am raising a man who will respect the women in his life he should be familiar with what she is harnessing. This was a perfect segue into....

S.E.X The main event (of sorts). No stone was left unturned. We discussed the mechanics in great detail which left him perplexed. “And you did this TWICE?,” my innocent boy exclaimed. We’d go on to discuss diseases, protection and the emotional weight and responsibility in the decision to engage with someone sexually. We also explored the differences between sexual preferences; discussing our stance as a family and encouraging tolerance and respect for all.

Consent We spent a lot of time here. I used the example of a fine motor exercise given to preschoolers called “Dot Dot, Not A Lot.” In this exercise the kids are to squeeze a specific amount of glue onto a printed dot on the paper. Let’s just say we didn’t master this right away. We’ve spent a lot of time explaining boundaries throughout their childhood. Personal space and permission have been central themes in our home. For the purposes of this talk I spent a lot of time speaking on the idea that you have to gain and keep permission to engage with someone physically. You have to gain initial permission to touch them and keep that permission by intermittently asking if it is okay to continue. A “no” serves as a period to the sentence no matter how far along you’ve gotten in the passage. Another point focused on his right as a male to say “no.” Unfortunately, society has revoked our boys’ ability to say no to physical engagement; wielding this as some barometer of masculinity. I wanted my son to know his rights and feel comfortable in that.

In the end we covered a lot of ground and I offered myself as a continued source for questions. I explained that there was nothing that he could ask me that I wouldn’t answer honestly. I’ve since had the talk with Kingsley and as you can imagine, different results. “We make eggs? I love eggs.” I explained to them that “The Talk” isn’t one talk, but a series of discussions we will continue to have as their maturity allows. In the meantime, I’ve imparted that their bodies, virginity and sexualities are all gifts and should be treated with care and high regard by themselves and others. My greatest hope that his is the first step to a loving relationship with their own bodies. I am hopeful that it inspires a profound respect of others; resulting in a healthy and responsible view of sex on their journeys.