It began with a question from the backseat. Kingsley, in a hurried tone said, "You know there is a thing called Candy Grams at school this year. People give them out to their friends. Joshua, are you planning to get me a candy gram for Valentine’s Day?” Before the last syllable was uttered a resounding, “No,” left Joshua’s mind and mouth. In a single moment, he’d let the wind out of her sails. She continued on by saying that she’d plan to give him one and needed to know why the same consideration wouldn’t be extended to her. “That’s just weird. And people are going to think I have a crush on my sister. No.”

To be fair, her expectation wasn’t lofty or misguided. This is the same brother that fell completely head over heels with her from the first moments of meeting. The same brother that would sit in solidarity with her in “time outs.” The same brother who would take his preschool playtime to talk with her through the iron gates that divided them. The same brother who year after year would have zero qualms in walking his sister into school, hand in hand; ensuring her safety and comfort in the delivery to her classroom daily. Joshua has previously had no hesitation in declaring his sister the most beautiful and funniest girl he’s ever met (besides his mother, of course). So now, what gives?

Sibling dynamics are understandably complicated and varied. I’ve asked countless friends if they would befriend their sibling if they were a stranger. Interestingly enough, a great number of them said no; citing the absence of commonalities as individuals. In my own life, my relationship with my sibling can be described as estranged at best. I have only one, a brother, who is fourteen years my senior. Further delving into the complexities and conventions of our relationship would require a separate post and a surge of courage. Simply put, there is a love that we share. It is understood and from afar. Yet, life has gifted me a wealth of surrogates in this area. Companions of similar circumstance that have valiantly stood in the gap throughout my development. They continue to encourage, support and celebrate me as if I were of the same gene pool; often seeing me in ways that I haven’t always seen myself. They are my truth tellers, my mirrors, and my confidants. We have seen each other through the ebb and flows of time. Their love and the security of that endearment are some of the most powerful guiding forces afforded to me. For that I am forever grateful.

I can recall being endlessly interested in studying the dynamics of my friends and their sibs. With an ever watchful eye, I would breath in the idiosyncrasies of their interactions, ask questions and take in the smallest details. Imagine the joy I would have in witnessing the growth of my own two; seemingly connected at the soul. My husband (who is an only child) and I would stare in wonder at them and their dedication to one another. Their considerations for one another. From sunrise to sunset, their efforts and care towards each other were unmatched by anything we’d witnessed before. If there was a slight disagreement, they’d settle in a hastened pace; denoting any time dictated in strife an erroneous fallacy. Any suggestion of them spending time apart or tiring of one another was promptly met with confusion and dismissive tones. How dare we ever think this possible. Which makes this instance particularly enthralling.

It is not lost on us that they are both in a time of great transition; growing physically as well as emotionally. Middle school sets the stage for an abundance of self discovery and exploration. We addressed Joshua’s concerns and apprehension with care; acknowledging his feelings were indeed warranted. We then took the time to offer a different perspective to him. A family manifesto of sorts, outlining his role as her older brother. Because they are so close in age (fifteen months to be exact) this verity is often lost. I imparted that along with her father, he will be the first to hold her heart. He will be the among the first to teach her the ways of the world; with his ability to reach her far outweighing our own in some respects. He will be among the first to instruct her on how she is to be treated by males; setting her expectations and allowances fairly high. And while her request may seem frivolous, it is demonstrative of a specific need as our growing girl. Collectively we cannot let her down, as we are a unit that will forever be affixed to one another. The “candy gram” is symbolic of the security that I longed for from my sibling. An unwavering notion that in all of the world she is loved by us endlessly and without deference in the often times censorious opinions of others. After contemplation, Joshua agreed to participate, much to the delight of his sister. He apologized for his previous denial; granting her the assurance of his devotion.

This will be the first of many divisions of thought between the Bug and the Bean. I am hopeful that their ability to overcome any quandary displayed early on will weather adolescence and carry on into adulthood. I would hope that they not only continue to honor each other as siblings, but continue to choose each other as friends. While we may attempt to foster a community of unity within our home, the growth of the sibling sentiment should be organic, and is deeply personal. The ties that bind siblings are mighty, varied and gorgeously elevating in their zenith.

*A special thanks to my dearests who have, and continue to, willingly stand in the gap for me. My love and adoration for you will never falter.