The Bean is thirteen. Gregory and I are parents to a teenager. We’d spoken, joked and thoughtfully prepared for this moment for years. Now that it’s actually here I am feeling more emotional than I ever believed I would. He, on the other hand, is way less emotional about it. With measured excitement he is striding into this new chapter with his signature stealthy silent confidence, much like his father. He remains the same; unchanged in his demeanor. But his package is changing. Every morning he shape shifts into a different being; maturity washing over him much like the sunlight through window panes. It’s evident that he is growing. His mind, body and spirit singing a different song (with a deeper tone). One that has the steadiness of yesterday coupled with the complexities of today. All of it melodic and lovely to hear.

I remember the bigness of thirteen as I approached it. The number carried a magical and mythical touch. One that would free me from the monotony of tweendom; thrusting me through a corridor of new freedoms and responsibilities that would mark my way to adulthood. And I was completely ready, eschewing the idea of a party in favor of an evening out with a few choice friends. “The Riverwalk” was the backdrop of my coronation and provided an evening of food, fun and new discoveries to be had. Most importantly, it was my first taste of freedom, as my mother would drop us off and pick us up at the agreed upon time, allowing us to roam away from her watchful eye. Embedded within that freedom was pride. In retrospect, I believe that the unadulterated joy of that evening didn’t come from the surroundings or even the friends (who I adored), but in the idea that I was trusted to think, act and behave on my own behalf. It was the ultimate gift of thirteen.

As a mom, thirteen’s allure does not carry the same sheen. It presents a new set of planning, foreshadowing, contemplation and worries. He is changing as should I. His conversation and questions are growing, as should my responses. His ideas and declarations are becoming more astute, giving way to more measured and thoughtful reactions from me. Testosterone is at play here and I reckon that at times those surges will cause a full range of emotions within him that he may or may not have the wherewithal to articulate. I am of the understanding that more than ever, my teenage boy will need structure. Yet, he will also need compassion from us as he navigates this terrain. I make sure to look into his eyes when giving him instructions. Touch him as we are talking to ensure his attention is where it needs to be. And ask for my instructions to be repeated to make sure he hasn’t tuned me out; a common practice of kids and the ones they love.

Overall it is an exciting time in our nest. The Bean has reached thirteen and there is no turning back. We will continue to pave the way for him through example, while loosening the reigns a bit; an opportunity to see our handiwork at play. We will have a continued focus on imparting the intersectionalities of power, privilege and responsibility. They work in tandem and are almost never at different levels. Finally, we will remain dedicated to fostering his emotional maturity. I remember feeling a sense of powerlessness during my teenage years; a sentiment shared by many that gives way to sensational angst. I hope to remind him that he has unlimited amounts of power to enact change in the responsibilities of his actions. In our current world and culture he doesn’t have to look far for examples of young people using their voices as power for good. To Joshua.... My beautiful young lion. You are well equipped to thrive in this world. Wonderfully made with a heart of compassion and a delightful nature, you have the power to shake our existence as we know it. But when the world comes for you, and it will, be not deterred or troubled by what you see. Stand firm in what you know as truth. That you are endlessly loved, wildly cherished and fervently supported in all that you think, say and do for good. Never let your gaze fall below the horizon, my love. Chin up. Happy 13th Birthday.